Tears roll down silently. Suddenly feel like shouting out loud.
Shout out all my unhappiness deep inside my heart, it is making me feel terrible... Real terrible deep within.
Have I do anything wrong in my past live or wad? Everything just goes very wrong okay.
Yahs, many will say why think so much blah blah blah but not I wanna think one rite,
It jus appear in my mind and remain there and I cannot hide cos it is always there even if I say “I am fine” but actually deep inside I am seriously not at all.
I am not complaining anything, is just that I really have a lot of stuffs within me but really at this point of time I dunnoe who to find because sisters have their own problems too.
So I just have to crap it all here, so… sorry guys bear with it bah.
Finally…I cried…it is just so finally. My heart feels like a lot of things being stack up making it so heavy you know. I did consult sisters and they all say the same thing, best way is to cry out loud but at that point of time I really dunnoe why I have got no tears to shed not even 1 drop!
Huilien even say she cries in front of me then when I see her cry I will cry le, immediately I say a NO! What for she cry when she got nothing on and just to make me cry. Thanks my sister I appreciate it a lot really.
I find myself a bit more relieve after crying out jus now.
I suddenly have the urge to cry when I was in the living room after thinking a lot of thing in my head.Went into my room and my tears start dropping like not my business I wanna stop it but it won’t. I think they are trap inside for too long and jus whoosh it all came out at one go.
I have a lot of stress these few days and today when I think of all my problems
Suddenly I think of my grandpa then I started crying like a baby girl.
I dunnoe why but I just miss him so much.
He passes away last year at 27th of October.
I did not tell anyone even my close sisters until we meet for O level exams.
At that point of time it is like in the middle of O level examination and this news almost making me broke down at that point of time.
I dunnoe how am I going to coop with all these things, it happen just so sudden.
I feel really helpless at that point of time dunnoe who to talk to and also dunnoe who to cry to
I dun wanna interrupt all my sisters because they are also busying for their O level so I dun wanna disturb them.
I can still remember that day before he is not with me forever, we are having dinner together and after dinner he walked to me and say to me:
“You ar, need to eat okay, dun every time dun eat not healthy for your body!”
I just simply reply haha ah gong okay okay I will lah.
Then I was wondering why he suddenly tell me all these but with a sweet smile on his face.
He then turn to my cousin and tell him good luck with his O level because my cousin also taking O at that time, He say hope you will score high high and he turn to look at me and also my brothers and cousins and say hope you all get high marks okay all siblings get high grade *smiling so sweet*
Next day, he went out as usual early in the morning 5am plus to the market cos he is selling vegetables he want to go check stock all that, although we all tried to ask him not to go there already because my uncle is helping my grandpa to work and can pass down the whole stall to him le. But my grandpa jus dun Fang Xin.
Everyday take train all the way to Lavender but that is his last day I guess he knows it. Because the vendors there say my grandpa go there drink coffee and also chat with them awhile saying wad he may not come anymore le.
But they just think my grandpa is joking of course.
Then in the afternoon the phone call that make all of us broke down came ringing in my house saying that my grandpa fainted in a uncle’s car.
That Uncle want to send my grandpa home and say he was chatting with my grandpa in the car then suddenly my grandpa did not spoke a word then thought he is sleeping so did not disturb.
When reach destination he call my grandpa but no answer. Something is not right so he send my grandpa to the hospital immediately cos my grandpa has already fainted.
When the uncle called and my grandma answer we all rush down to my auntie house and not the hospital because my grandma thought nothing serious as my grandpa fainted a lot of times before le. But this is not the case already! While we were waiting for further phone call from my uncle and aunt, they called.
Bad news of course, my grandma holds the phone and start crying out loud. I hug my auntie and cried too because no nid to say we noe the situation.
In the end we all rush down to the hospital and my grandpa is in a very bad situation, he got a stroke and he cannot speak and have no sense already but he could hear what when we talk to him. Thinking of the situation really break my heart into pieces I remember clearly how my grandpa is on the hospital bed so thin with so many tubes around him, we know it hurts him too It hurts us deeply too.
All of us jus cried even my youngest cousin knows what is going on and start crying calling grandpa. That makes us even more hurt…
My grandpa is the nicest grandpa in this whole world for me! I can still rmb when I was a kid; he will bring me go buy sweets and rent Vcd to watch EVERYDAY without fail even if he is tired, he will still carry me down to buy toys a lot of toys.
When we move house, he will still come all the way from lavender to woodland to have dinner with us all the happy moments we share. Grandpa I miss it really.
I miss times where you will come back with a big smile and carry me around when I was a kid
I miss the times you were concern about my studies and calling me not to give up try my best
I miss times having dinner with you and call me to eat more afraid that I got gastric pain
I miss times whereby you will stand at the door and wait happily when I go visit you with a big smile you give to me when I reach.
I miss times where you will tell us about your stories when you were younger
I miss times we spent together
I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you!
You are the best grandpa in my heart! Last but not least “I Love You” Although I did not say all those stuffs in front of you because it is so weird. Enjoy in heaven with lots of angels surrounding you because you are a real good man, a real good husband, a real good father, a real good GRANDPA! :)
Okay.
I know this is a more upset post maybe not for you all but it is for me.
I am just trying to say out my feelings all these months..
I have been going through all the miserable feelings did not leave me alone since that day.
I will still be strong because other than that, I can do nothing at all.
I will try my best to do it although sometimes I still nid encouragement
It will help me to stay strong.
Shout out all my unhappiness deep inside my heart, it is making me feel terrible... Real terrible deep within.
Have I do anything wrong in my past live or wad? Everything just goes very wrong okay.
Yahs, many will say why think so much blah blah blah but not I wanna think one rite,
It jus appear in my mind and remain there and I cannot hide cos it is always there even if I say “I am fine” but actually deep inside I am seriously not at all.
I am not complaining anything, is just that I really have a lot of stuffs within me but really at this point of time I dunnoe who to find because sisters have their own problems too.
So I just have to crap it all here, so… sorry guys bear with it bah.
Finally…I cried…it is just so finally. My heart feels like a lot of things being stack up making it so heavy you know. I did consult sisters and they all say the same thing, best way is to cry out loud but at that point of time I really dunnoe why I have got no tears to shed not even 1 drop!
Huilien even say she cries in front of me then when I see her cry I will cry le, immediately I say a NO! What for she cry when she got nothing on and just to make me cry. Thanks my sister I appreciate it a lot really.
I find myself a bit more relieve after crying out jus now.
I suddenly have the urge to cry when I was in the living room after thinking a lot of thing in my head.Went into my room and my tears start dropping like not my business I wanna stop it but it won’t. I think they are trap inside for too long and jus whoosh it all came out at one go.
I have a lot of stress these few days and today when I think of all my problems
Suddenly I think of my grandpa then I started crying like a baby girl.
I dunnoe why but I just miss him so much.
He passes away last year at 27th of October.
I did not tell anyone even my close sisters until we meet for O level exams.
At that point of time it is like in the middle of O level examination and this news almost making me broke down at that point of time.
I dunnoe how am I going to coop with all these things, it happen just so sudden.
I feel really helpless at that point of time dunnoe who to talk to and also dunnoe who to cry to
I dun wanna interrupt all my sisters because they are also busying for their O level so I dun wanna disturb them.
I can still remember that day before he is not with me forever, we are having dinner together and after dinner he walked to me and say to me:
“You ar, need to eat okay, dun every time dun eat not healthy for your body!”
I just simply reply haha ah gong okay okay I will lah.
Then I was wondering why he suddenly tell me all these but with a sweet smile on his face.
He then turn to my cousin and tell him good luck with his O level because my cousin also taking O at that time, He say hope you will score high high and he turn to look at me and also my brothers and cousins and say hope you all get high marks okay all siblings get high grade *smiling so sweet*
Next day, he went out as usual early in the morning 5am plus to the market cos he is selling vegetables he want to go check stock all that, although we all tried to ask him not to go there already because my uncle is helping my grandpa to work and can pass down the whole stall to him le. But my grandpa jus dun Fang Xin.
Everyday take train all the way to Lavender but that is his last day I guess he knows it. Because the vendors there say my grandpa go there drink coffee and also chat with them awhile saying wad he may not come anymore le.
But they just think my grandpa is joking of course.
Then in the afternoon the phone call that make all of us broke down came ringing in my house saying that my grandpa fainted in a uncle’s car.
That Uncle want to send my grandpa home and say he was chatting with my grandpa in the car then suddenly my grandpa did not spoke a word then thought he is sleeping so did not disturb.
When reach destination he call my grandpa but no answer. Something is not right so he send my grandpa to the hospital immediately cos my grandpa has already fainted.
When the uncle called and my grandma answer we all rush down to my auntie house and not the hospital because my grandma thought nothing serious as my grandpa fainted a lot of times before le. But this is not the case already! While we were waiting for further phone call from my uncle and aunt, they called.
Bad news of course, my grandma holds the phone and start crying out loud. I hug my auntie and cried too because no nid to say we noe the situation.
In the end we all rush down to the hospital and my grandpa is in a very bad situation, he got a stroke and he cannot speak and have no sense already but he could hear what when we talk to him. Thinking of the situation really break my heart into pieces I remember clearly how my grandpa is on the hospital bed so thin with so many tubes around him, we know it hurts him too It hurts us deeply too.
All of us jus cried even my youngest cousin knows what is going on and start crying calling grandpa. That makes us even more hurt…
My grandpa is the nicest grandpa in this whole world for me! I can still rmb when I was a kid; he will bring me go buy sweets and rent Vcd to watch EVERYDAY without fail even if he is tired, he will still carry me down to buy toys a lot of toys.
When we move house, he will still come all the way from lavender to woodland to have dinner with us all the happy moments we share. Grandpa I miss it really.
I miss times where you will come back with a big smile and carry me around when I was a kid
I miss the times you were concern about my studies and calling me not to give up try my best
I miss times having dinner with you and call me to eat more afraid that I got gastric pain
I miss times whereby you will stand at the door and wait happily when I go visit you with a big smile you give to me when I reach.
I miss times where you will tell us about your stories when you were younger
I miss times we spent together
I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you!
You are the best grandpa in my heart! Last but not least “I Love You” Although I did not say all those stuffs in front of you because it is so weird. Enjoy in heaven with lots of angels surrounding you because you are a real good man, a real good husband, a real good father, a real good GRANDPA! :)
Okay.
I know this is a more upset post maybe not for you all but it is for me.
I am just trying to say out my feelings all these months..
I have been going through all the miserable feelings did not leave me alone since that day.
I will still be strong because other than that, I can do nothing at all.
I will try my best to do it although sometimes I still nid encouragement
It will help me to stay strong.
No comments:
Post a Comment